Sorry – Not Me.
There is a horrible moment in a relationship where you see that your partner doesn’t know who you are. Thinking the way I think, I see this as a sort of projection of sorts from them onto you that they cannot see past. Breaking that down has proven to be impossible and it has caused damage in many instances. They simply see what the see and not the reality. Talking with others about relationships this last few weeks suggests to me that this is a human condition. Let me give you a couple of examples. For my last partner, I lived in cyberworld, ignoring her and chasing other women. It didn’t matter what I said, or did, this is what she believed. In fact, she still believes it. From my
Read More »Resurrection
The darkness crept in like a thief in the night It came from an unexpected source It clouded my judgement It froze the blood in my veins Its hard to see in the dark All you can do is try to feel the pain Pushing, pushing darkness away The source of my pain The lady who lit me up Stole my light bit by bit The fire she started was never for me But only for her The dawn is breaking over my heart And the embers of love still remain There to be fueled and burst aflame But not by her, not ever again The darkness and all that pain Is passing as I live again.
Read More »The Realization
Realizations are funny things. When it finally happens it shifts your axis. It moves your world. They are born oftentimes by necessity out of pain. And the moment they happen, the pain is replaced with incredulity. How did I not see this before? I guess there truly is a structure to the human learning process – a methodology. My pain and anguish has not totally gone. It will not go quietly nor abruptly for the process of growing, learning, and maturing is not something that occurs in an instant. But there is a tipping point at which the realization takes seed in fertile soil and, nourished by the tears of agony, begins to grow. The seed germinates and takes root in our dark night of the soul and it reaches
Read More »Looking for Love in A Foreign City
Now I am single again, my attention has already turned to trying to get out there and about. In truth, I’m not ready. I need to heal first. But, love won’t come looking for me sitting alone in my apartment watching Californication and wondering why I can’t act a bit more like David Duchovny’s character. So you sign up for a dating site or two and you set off for any party, get together, or meeting you can find. These dating sites are a crock though. I mean how do you decide if you like a person or not based on their best polished and photoshopped picture? I did get a bit of an ego trip though signing up for one. After just a day my profile was locked so
Read More »Heartache City
Eleven years ago, I fell in love. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t focus. I was intoxicated. Over the 11-years there were ups and downs and perhaps in retrospect signs that all was not quite OK. The funny thing is, often you don’t actually register the signs until afterwards. The last 2-3 years have been one long roller coaster of off and on again culminating in me finally moving out a few months ago. Even then, all was to some extent OK. I still loved her but I needed to get some space and process things a bit. In my heart, I think I knew that it was over but I held out that little glimmer of hope that somehow, the woman I once knew and loved would
Read More »Gotcha Moments
As we ride along in that open top car called life, there are a few moments that I’m gonna call gotcha moments, that shift and alter everything. I’m having one now as readers of my last post (all three of you) will have discovered. It’s like having a nightmare from which you don’t awaken and actually have to resolve rather than just calm down from. Suddenly, things are crystal clear. I should have walked away years ago. It wasn’t a fit but since I had sacrificed so much to be in that relationship, I surely didn’t want to give up on it. By the way, this is from my perspective. I’m sure she has her own perspective and its probably equally valid for her. Now I’m sat here trying to
Read More »Who Am I?
Good question. Funny thing is that I have spent years trying to figure this out. I have met different parts of my psyche in meditation and for a while, I thought I knew who I was – warts and all – or probably better put as Mr. Angry and the others. But, you know, that isn’t who I am. Nope. It’s who I thought I was. Actually, I now know I haven’t got a clue who I am. When you live with someone – a wife or a partner – for 30 odd years, you become someone else. Then when suddenly, after all that time with a special someone in your life (or a special two someones over that 30 odd years), you find your self single. Then, you look
Read More »Lord of the Elements
The prequel to The Last Observer is title Lord of the Elements and is due out on Kindle and in paperback on July 21st. You can pre-purchase the Kindle version….. Edward Bright searches for a lost Grimoire written by a magician who purportedly found the elixir of eternal life – The Grimoire El Natlez. Meanwhile, William meets the enigmatic and hypnotic, Ralph Meister, who promises him a life of wealth, women, and fame, in return for his soul. Behind all of these events is a sinister and powerful demon – the Lord of the Elements. Lord of the Elements is the prequel to The Last Observer and book 2 in the series which finds both Edward and William in a magical battle for their very souls. A short, but twisty,
Read More »Poltergeist
The third episode in the Paranormal Eyewitness Kindle shorts is Poltergeist – The Noisy Ghosts… Most people, on hearing the word Poltergeist, will instinctively think of the movie of that name. If they are from my generation, they will be thinking of the original Spielberg movie complete with the scene with a swimming pool filled with muddy water and skeletons (in researching for this book, I discovered that those skeletons were real as real skeletons were cheaper to buy than plastic ones at the time!). I mention this because it has remained a nightmare image for me over the years. If you go over to Reddit and look on the ghost pages, you will see a lot of references to poltergeist and many of them are nothing of the kind
Read More »Fire!
I have a new song and intend it to be the ‘theme’ song for my new novella – Lord of the Elements… due out July 21st. There’s a fire in my soul Fire in my … Fire Burn, Burn, Burn Fire in my belly Fire in my speech Burning Burn, Burn, Burn There’s a smoulder inside my body A flame within my soul Burning Rising on a wave of passion Fire flames my desire For you Burn, Burn, Burn The fire is inside of me The fire is inside of you We flame Flame
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