Realizations are funny things. When it finally happens it shifts your axis. It moves your world. They are born oftentimes by necessity out of pain. And the moment they happen, the pain is replaced with incredulity. How did I not see this before? I guess there truly is a structure to the human learning process – a methodology.
My pain and anguish has not totally gone. It will not go quietly nor abruptly for the process of growing, learning, and maturing is not something that occurs in an instant. But there is a tipping point at which the realization takes seed in fertile soil and, nourished by the tears of agony, begins to grow. The seed germinates and takes root in our dark night of the soul and it reaches for the light – its source of sustenance. As it does so, it drags you kicking and screaming with it. Then, as it matures, the pain subsides. The darkness ebbs.
Its a full moon here tonight and I found myself talking to the Goddess up there in the sky. I asked her two things. First, make me grow as a man. A man who is capable of unconditional love and yet has the wisdom to know where to place that love. Second, help her have an epiphany too. Let her feel the pain of her actions and her nature in a way that heals her completely and absolutely. Help her to see what and who she is and how it impacts those around her.
I can’t speak for the latter part of my prayer but I know She heard the former.
Tonight I set foot on the path to manhood. The manhood that understands how to love, who to love and when to love.