There is a horrible moment in a relationship where you see that your partner doesn’t know who you are. Thinking the way I think, I see this as a sort of projection of sorts from them onto you that they cannot see past. Breaking that down has proven to be impossible and it has caused damage in many instances. They simply see what the see and not the reality. Talking with others about relationships this last few weeks suggests to me that this is a human condition.
Let me give you a couple of examples. For my last partner, I lived in cyberworld, ignoring her and chasing other women. It didn’t matter what I said, or did, this is what she believed. In fact, she still believes it. From my point of view, I work on the computer, I promote books, music and my work and social media is a perfect vehicle to do this. Furthermore, if bored while my partner watched Czech soap opera, I’d rather read CNN. The truth – yes, I could have done less of this and I should have., I should have shown more attention to her I agree. However, what I was doing was legitimate and there was nothing suspicious about it. Example I recall clearly sitting in my office one day trying to write an excruciating white paper when I hear a notification sound and a little box pops up top right on my screen. It was a message from her on messenger. She said ‘I thought you needed to work?’ I replied “I am or was working..why?”…. “On Facebook?” came her response.. The irony will never escape me but it was plain to me that she had a very different view of me than I did and in the end, nothing I said nor did could convince here otherwise…..
My first wife is convinced I am rich. When we got divorced I offered a really great deal – far too good as I realize now. She didn’t accept it but instead hired a lawyer to go find the missing Vasey millions I had stashed away somewhere. Even now, 11-years later, she tells everyone how rich I am. It doesn’t matter even if I sat with a paper and pencil and went through all my ins and outs, she would believe me to be lying! My income has steadily declined since I left her and so has my appetite for money.
It makes me wonder what kind of things I am projecting onto people – how little I know them as they really are and not how I see them.
I know one thing, once someone decides they have you down – whatever you say, do or think makes no difference. Any thoughts out there on how you break these world creations down?