Just recently, I have been busy writing and editing (and editing) The Last Observer while living my normal demanding life. I probably submitted the manuscript to a publisher too early in my excitement for being ‘finished’. For finished, read unedited spillage onto page as I feverishly wrote the thing, night after night, wondering where it was coming from! I’m like that. Impatient. It is actually one of my strengths but also a significant weakness. It is my impatience, you see, that drives me day-by-day, multitasking like crazy to achieve my goals. It’s a fact, that I have achieved much much more than many who knew me at the age of 12 would have thought and it is this impatient drive of mine that I credit for it.
The downside of this is that I tend to rush things. I don’t savour anything. I rush and rush meeting goals and objectives only to discover that, once I do so, there is a new goal! This is not a good thing as I am never satisfied and I am always judging my progress against my goals. This impatience also tends to show itself as starting well and finishing weakly or as developing the big picture but not wanting to involve myself in the detail. Believe it or not, these are also strengths of a sort that I can utilize everyday in business if I am shrewd enough.
Someone I recently started communicating with regarding Bardon’s work read this self-judgement and goal-orientation immediately in our email communication. He told me that I should not judge and should plod along with magic and take whatever comes along. He is right of course. Judging your self or others is actually a terrible way to lead your life and causes much unnecessary unhappiness and stress. But… this is what is demanded of you if you serve as an executive or manager in a business. This is one of the key’s to success!
So there it is again. This dilemma of trying to have a foot in the real world of business and the need to make a living and the other foot dipped into magic. It’s a polarity that needs to be resolved but, you know, it is difficult to do so.
I have found myself in recent weeks trying not to make judgements in some areas of my life while continuing to do so professionally. I have compartmentalized things. I’m not sure if what I am doing is correct but it seems to be working a little. I am afraid that I will lose my judgement skills at work but then, at 53, maybe it doesn’t matter anymore? There is then a daily battle of polarities at play in my life right now. I think that’s good. Its a dynamic that lets you know that you are still alive.
Meanwhile, all is not lost with the book. The publisher likes the story but criticized the manuscript. Its 50:50 I would say. If its rejected then there are more publishers and I am editing the book now in a serious way. Funny thing is that, to do so requires judgement. Maybe I will be lucky next week and hear some positive news. Maybe not. I am not going to lose any sleep over it. The book will see the light of day and I enjoyed writing it as it discusses the nature of reality and I am passionate about that!
Talking of which. Have you ever put on some really amazing music? Something that really moves you or holds great memories for you? If so, play it through head phones and walk or travel to work. Tell me, that as you look around you with the feelings stemming from the music, that you don’t see the world a different way? It’s magic you see. You changed your reality.