Sucked in and Spat out

There are times when life simply sucks you in. The moment at which that sucking in begins is tough to actually identify but there comes a moment when you understand that you are once again totally wrapped up in life. I mean of course the outer life that can become all consuming. For me, the recognition arrives numbingly in the form of a general but nondescript feeling of tiredness and lack of energy. Next is often some form of low grade illness that no matter what will not go away. At this point, one simply feels encased in imagined responsibilities, stresses and pressures and there can truly seem to be no escape. Until you realize and understand that the operative word is “IMAGINED.”

At these moments, it pays to examine and query those feelings. Stop, question and re-evaluate.

What is important in life? and whose rules are you living by? Often we will discover that we are living according to an external set of rules and expectations rather than our own and, in part, it is this that makes us feel so stressed.
I think that this is where I find myself right now. The energy has been sucked out of me – the life has been sucked out of me as I try to be what other people want me to be. The funny thing is that they don’t in any way wish to conform to what I desire of them! I need to re-establish some boundaries and delve inside for the ME again.

The vast majority of the blame is with my job and the environment at work. The moment I catch sight of our office building I can feel my pulse quicken and the blood pressure rise. Subconsciously, I associate the location of work with stress, aggravation and others demands on me. Well, I can do only what I can do and if it isn’t good enough tough…..
Like everyone I fear to lose a job and its income. But why? In reality, I know I could get another one – perhaps significantly better – and if not, I know how to live on my wits and make a living anyway. So what am I afraid of?

Failure.

Just as I discussed in Inner Journeys, it is still failure that causes me the most worry and stress.

Last weekend, as I was driving a song came on the radio and I struck me as an absolute esoteric classic – Don’t worry, be happy! Why worry? I though. Why do I worry? What am I really worried about? It’s easy to think this way but difficult to break out of a lifetime’s habit.

Right now I feel sucked in and spat out.

The answer is simply to re-connect to the real ME. To find the center of the hexagram within myself; that timeless space filled with love, tranquility and the Presence. There one just knows that the external world and the rules we allow others to create for us are simply artificial bindings that in one small expression of Will can be swept away, overcome and reconciled for what they are.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: