Wounded
I am so wounded So hurt, I am not living I am so wounded So hurt, I cannot see What it might be like to be free I gave everything – all of me Built a castle in the air It seems so fucking unfair The castle has dissolved And taken with it Everything I believed in My smile has been wiped Like an old unwanted tape My happiness kicked into touch It all meant so much I am not living, but surviving So lonely, so stuck in the past A fairytale of memories That I hoped would last Lost, cast adrift, cut to the bone How did I end up so alone? I lived for you, not me Rejected, I finally see How I lost myself in an ‘us’
Read More »Fool
I have a numbing headache It’s not really painful But sits just on the edge of perception Clouding my thoughts Something weighs heavily on me today Following me like a foul smell Or that stale taste From yesterday’s unwanted cigarette Stubbed out half-smoked In the disgust of will Bent, twisted, broken in this situation I am in Surrounded by comfort All those things Yet I am alone and wallowing in loneliness I walk the street Idly people watching Surrounded by people and abandoned by friends Life is lonely If I could only Be somewhere else at this moment in time On a beach Swimming in the Sea Anything to put a gap between Him and Me Disconnected Momentarily misdirected Wallowing around in an Ocean of bitterness Drinking the cup Swallowed
Read More »The Judge Within Me
I have a dilemma. It’s been one of those lifelong dilemmas if I am honest. Here it is. I am interested in people’s thoughts on this one. Inside of me is one character or persona who I will term The Judge. He sits in judgement (reminds me a bit of the Tarot image of The Emperor card to be honest) of me, life and everything. Often, He is quick to speak – “That’s wrong, that’s right, How dare he? What an ass” and so on. He is also the faculty that I use to decide what is right and wrong and what is truth or fiction. He has a purpose. A valid purpose and yet….. I have another aspect that tells me I should not judge and that I am
Read More »I Am A Stage
The light shines in my face The rock n roll is loud here Guitar screams and bass thunders Reverberating in my head Stereo composition drives The beat is sensual and strong This is my own made up song Making it up as I go along There are no rules Cos’ rules are for Fools There are no requirements Except to entertain The song in my head Doesn’t actually exist And yet that song rocks I am a stage – a venue I am all the rage – rocking too A driving beat moves me It is the engine of my life Pumping, thumping along It’s the heart that drives this song Making it up as I go along I can’t do anything wrong Life throbs and pulses Mind over matter
Read More »Death on the Beach
Sunlight shimmers on churning waters Sand glitters like gold dust rolling with the waves An azure sky, brilliant colors brightened There is a surreal element to this surf Tumbling over, erosive currents pull Unreal, it seems to be so unreal Like a waking lucid dream Dreamt by this dreamer Experienced in this place A moment of time trapped In my memory forever So that when I endeavor To recall It’s there Yet again Like an aging photo In a photo album Faded at the edges Handled too many times Deeply etched lines On paper and my face As the years have passed by Faster, ever faster To that ultimate destination Without silly recrimination Giving in to the tidal pull Sand gold swirling around me Sunlight tuning blue Dragged away by
Read More »The Meaning of Life?
There are moments in which I truly despair. Those painful times when my self-confidence seems to disintegrate and I find myself questioning everything. Suddenly, I feel valueless and deeply alone. For all the effort and all the ups and downs of life, what have I really achieved? When I die will anyone really give a damn? How do you measure your worth, your impact on life? It isn’t job titles, or money, houses or cars. Is it a legacy of writings? Probably it is the impact that you made on people and I fear I have had little impact outside of a very small group of people. There is a fear, no a deep seated insecurity at work that says it was a life wasted and time squandered. And yet,
Read More »In Search of Charisma
Charisma. It’s a word I hear used about people from time to time. People have a charismatic personality and people follow them. Charismatic people seem to have a knack to walk through life with a smile on their face. Confident, assertive and bold. I had a boss a few years ago in Houston who was charismatic. He was Dutch and I guess in his 50’s. He had a deep hypnotic voice and he took good care of himself. Women swooned and men followed without question me included. You felt good in his company and his energy somehow rubbed off on you as enthusiasm. Looking back, I really don’t know what he did exactly except build and maintain relationships. He offered little direction as a boss but commanded great loyalty. He
Read More »The Human Condition
When I think of all the pain That man has ever borne Billions of tearful dreary lives The sadness carried by humanity Through the mists of time Man has toiled to live A cruel world to conquer Filled with cruel men Destined to wander In search of something more The suffering of the afflicted The torment of the damned The agony of endless wars Life’s pain is our biggest chore And cumulatively, the tears Shed my mankind would fill an ocean A deep and salty sea of humanity A primordial soup of bitterness An endless sea of agony The hatred, the anger, pure bile Bitterness and jealousy The human condition An endless competition Of cruel insanity And this pain that we all share That we present to each other The
Read More »Lady
She gently brushes my graying face With her sweet and airy breath Her musky fragrance pervades The hallowed space around me I have plumbed her depths And I have drank her deeply Yet, still she is a mystery to me She gave me life and sustenance She washed away my pain with her tears Her embrace is like eternity She is beneath me and above me She is always all around me I breathe in her fragrance deeply I am hers utterly, completely Within me and without me The divine waters ebb and flow She is my soul. She is my Goddess She is Life and she will be my death She is the Grail that I have sought She is the beginning and the end She is this life
Read More »It Doesn’t Matter Anymore
It doesn’t matter Matter anymore A life lived An open door No matter anymore It doesn’t matter Matter anymore Such a stress Bloody mess It doesn’t matter Matter anymore So serious What was that about? So erroneous I said that No doubt Life and death It seemed so serious A waking dream Horrifically delirious I thought it mattered I really did I thought I had to try I really did I thought I should be Like so acute Like dark glasses Sideways cute But now I know I have just understood And now I laugh Like you knew I would It doesn’t matter Matter anymore A life lived An open door No matter anymore It doesn’t matter Matter anymore Such a stress Bloody mess It doesn’t matter Matter anymore
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