Mood

It’s A Mystery

There is so much that we do not know and probably can never know. I have to be honest and say that that pisses me off! Among the first thoughts that I can recall thinking were things like who am I? What am I? and things have not changed. I still ask such questions on a daily basis and I am still frustrated in the knowledge that I may never know the answers. I know that I am something – I think, I feel – I am. But what am I? Will I die and simply cease to exist? What is at the end of space? What is it all for? Is there a reason for all this – the out there – what is it anyway? It’s pointless I

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Who Am I?

Try so very hard to be me The one you think that you know A persona imagined passively Minor differences in take Patterns in my speech It’s not about the things you make But about the who that you are And doesn’t that vary, be wary I can be anyone I want to be I can be anyone that you want to see Image is like clothing for the ego Nothing is certain in make believe Nothing has real solidity Floating variations in psyche Revolving interpretations inside me I project and you receive But the me that I want to be May not be the one that you perceive Am I real then? And are you? Imagined shadows hurtling Through some forgotten plane Like some silly Computer game I digress

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If Only…..

These days I find myself reminiscing a lot. Usually its music that takes me back. A song on the radio, one played while I work or perhaps that tune that suddenly haunts my mind and will not go away. The problem is I have caught myself questioning a lot of things like I would never have imagined myself doing in the past. I have even caught myself thinking it might be nice just to be dead. I wonder, is this what all mid-50’s people think? You get up and you feel the aches and pains and then you look in the mirror and this wrinkled, rumpled, worn out and overweight looking creature stares back and you think – Who the fuck is that? Of course, you know it’s you……. and

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The Fall

The summer that never was has faded away There is a chill in the air and the sky is clear gray The leaves begin to slowly turn to autumn shades Any warmth in our Sun is beginning to fade The cycle has turned Preparations afoot For a long cold winter Darkness is descending The nights become unending Hades peeks out of his cave Looking for Persephone To join him

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Disappointed in Humanity

Just in the last few years I have found myself growing quite weary of many things such as politics, religion and so on. After 50-odd years of seeing the same old tired arguments back and forth I have come to the conclusion that frankly, people are gullible, silly or both.  I know how arrogant that sounds but I really don’t know how else to say it. Politicians and religious zealots are very clever and use tried and tested methods to disseminate their divisive and hate-filled rhetoric to a willing audience of people who propagate it without so much as a thought – myself included at times. I haven’t voted in years and I don’t think I will ever bother to do so again. Apathy has set in. I work in

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Nationalism

At college I joined the territorial army. The union jack and the national anthem always stirred my emotions. I was deeply proud of being British. I even flirted with nationalist politics but was frankly put off by the other people I met on the right wing fringes of the Tory party. Even then, I liked to buck the trend. It was trendy to be a leftie so I did the very opposite like the contrarian Aquarian that I am. But I grew up. Firstly, I traveled a lot. At first inside the UK with three years in the midlands, a year in Leeds, three years in Glasgow, three years in Aberdeen, 3 years in London. To be honest, my parents liked travel too so even by age 16 I had

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How are The Stars Aligned?

I seem to be going through a very strange phase at the moment. I’m wondering if it has anything to do with the Moon so if you are an astrologer, let me know would you? I am an Aquarian with Moon in Taurus, Mars and Venus in Capricorn and Mercury also in Aquarius….. just in case you want to offer some advice. I seem to attract disrespectful or strange behaviour. This morning, I almost got run down on a pedestrian crossing, also last night. I may as well be invisible on those crossings. When driving, it’s always me that people cut off or wish to pass at 20km/hr faster than the speed limit and so drive 6cm behind me. Around me, people are fighting and in bitter discord with people

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An Adept Among Us

In the book The adept Magician by Marten Crawford, we meet through his own words a true adept. A man who followed Bardon’s teachings for 30 odd years and in passing tells us that he can shoot flames from his stomach and water to put out the flames as well change the weather, stop time, split himself in two and many more bizarre things. When you read the words of the man, you believe him. His words are the words of someone who seems to know and who sees little importance in such abilities anyway. Mr. Crawford writes a very straightforward and well thought through introduction to his interactions with the man he called the Adept Magician. For those who have read any Franz Bardon, some of it will be

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Now, Where is that Curse?

There are times when I find myself contemplating a little black magic. Yep, I have to be honest and say that there really are times when I think about delivering a really good and debilitating curse. Hell, there are times, if I am honest, when my thoughts are less than pristine and I do come very close to issuing a mental curse or hex. For this reason, I will never be a good magician as I must go back continually to the drawing board of ‘know thyself’ and work on that sudden rush of blood to the head that I experience from time to time and that will one day cause my fall. I must let it all be water off a duck’s back as they say. I recall taking

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Music and Memories

I really have a terrible memory. I cannot remember the details of what I was doing last week never mind last year and I am often surprised to be told what I had done at some particular event that I have no recollection of whatsoever. For example, I came across some old computer files yesterday – hockey statistics for my eldest son from a decade ago. It made interesting reading especially the four games played in a tournament in St. Louis. I could swear I had never been there and yet there was suddenly a glimmer of a memory and boom – I remembered the arch there and it all came flooding back. To my defense, ice hockey rinks all look the same after a while and much of the

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