Now I am single again, my attention has already turned to trying to get out there and about. In truth, I’m not ready. I need to heal first. But, love won’t come looking for me sitting alone in my apartment watching Californication and wondering why I can’t act a bit more like David Duchovny’s character.
So you sign up for a dating site or two and you set off for any party, get together, or meeting you can find. These dating sites are a crock though. I mean how do you decide if you like a person or not based on their best polished and photoshopped picture? I did get a bit of an ego trip though signing up for one. After just a day my profile was locked so I wrote to the admins. They told me I needed to verify the photos were actually ME as I looked far too young! Now at that moment, all the times I got ID’d at 30 in pubs suddenly took on a silver lining.
I was supposed to be going out tonight with a crazy young Ukranian. I guess in the end, she is so crazy as she decided not to. She probably realised I would spend the night talking about how I still love my ex-Partner despite everything and what an idiot that makes me. Too crazy for crazy?
What is truly hard is that finding someone over the age of 40 who can speak English is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had a lady invite me to visit with her in Olomouc. I thought about it for all of three seconds and realised it wasn’t worth the 150km trip. Our conversation would be limited to the sorts of conversations you find in beginner language courses – “Oh you have a nice brown dog?”, “My car is white is yours black?” and other such crap. Or, we would be poured over my phone using google translate. Hardly the language of love!
At the weekend, I have a date with a really beautiful woman – unless she changes her mind. She is in real estate and I have this strange feeling that her interest is in me as a potential buyer. Still, she can speak English so at least that is something.
People tell me you shouldn’t look for love as you will never find it. Love finds you at the most unexpected of times and I believe this. The problem is, what choice do I have? You have to get out for love to find you.
At the end of the day, the person I should be chasing for love is myself for what I have learned these last few weeks is I have neglected me for quite some time. So long, I have forgotten who I am. I identify love with giving to others and I have found others often take and don’t return. Still, I have already learned the early signals of love vampires……. I can smell them a mile away until I fall for one.