In recent months I have been dreaming a lot. Dreams that go on and on even allowing for a bathroom break. Today I noted that this type of dreaming always seems to occur in periods of realization for me. I haven’t properly meditated in months and I have been thrashing around like a beached whale unable to act on anything. I marked this down perhaps to depression and periodically talked myself into starting again. However, each new initiative was short lived.
Then a couple of nights ago I saw a movie on TV. It made me realize that all too often I look outside for answers that actually are to be found inside. Suddenly, a rush of realizations came to me. One was that I already know what I need to know but I keep forgetting it. Now, this may seem a strange thing to say but when I get things in meditation, while they may be intense experiences at the time, they fade. In fact, the entire feeling or much more – the entire mindset – seems to fade as consciousness returns to normal.
The pattern is always the same. The dreams start and then coincidences occur and with a jolt, I reawaken momentarily and read my own blog….. the stuff I write is often coming from deep within me and it doesn’t reside in normal consciousness at all. The dreams and the coincidences have an effect of sending me back within.
I’m not sure if I am making progress or not but the Big Man keeps tapping me on the shoulder and saying “Oi! Wake up!”