There are times when I find myself contemplating a little black magic.
Yep, I have to be honest and say that there really are times when I think about delivering a really good and debilitating curse. Hell, there are times, if I am honest, when my thoughts are less than pristine and I do come very close to issuing a mental curse or hex. For this reason, I will never be a good magician as I must go back continually to the drawing board of ‘know thyself’ and work on that sudden rush of blood to the head that I experience from time to time and that will one day cause my fall. I must let it all be water off a duck’s back as they say.
I recall taking some presentation skills training many years ago. It comprised of presenting for a couple of minutes while being videoed. The result was boring and anemic to say the least. “Imagine the the thing that makes your blood boil – get angry and rant, wave your arms about, go really over the top”, we were told by the instructor. Guess what, the result of the second video made while I felt like if I flapped my arms any more I would take to flight looked… normal. Interesting and normal.
So what did I imagine while making the second presentation? I imagined being cut off by another driver. Yep, I cannot abide people cutting me off, pushing in, not queuing and riding up my backside trying to push me out of the way. This is the moment when I would love to wave a wand and have that other drivers’ car explode right there and then.
There are other examples. People pushing in at the supermarket when lined up for the check out till. People who use words like ‘pollutant’ when talking about CO2. People who think beforeitsnews.com is a legitimate news site. People doing bad things to other people generally. Hull City losing. But, the biggest one of all is people who for some reason simply decide that they have to write bad reviews about my book. I don’t mean by the way a negative review I mean a personal, sarcastic and totally unnecessarily rude review. Why? What on earth did I do to deserve your undying hatred just because I had the sheer audacity to write a book? What then gives you the right to lurk on Amazon marking good reviews as ‘not useful’ and penning under various other names other sarcastic and twisted reviews of my books? I don’t get it really. I never said I was Shakespeare and I don’t force people to buy my books so what was my crime? That I tried to succeed at something? Now that is just sheer petty jealousy isn’t it?
Anyway, these things make my blood boil. Luckily, my temper is instantaneous and then its gone and I am done with it. It’s fiery and explosive but burns out quickly. The fact is I need to work on it and get rid of it. What does it matter? Who cares? I say… I do actually. Damn. See…. I need to work on it I really do and I will I promise.
On the other hand, there are times when, just like in the presentation skills example, a bit of feistiness is needed. There are genuine reasons to be annoyed and to genuine causes to work for and these do need that bit of fire to spark and sustain them don’t they. So, perhaps its not so much a case of getting rid of my anger but learning when anger is appropriate and how to ensure that that anger is used as fuel to a constructive use.
I probably should stay away from the curses and hexes though….. don’t you think?
Probably, Gary – but for you mainly, not the other bugger! I share your loathing of the spiteful and unnecessary comment/review. I think some people get off on this kind of thing; they enjoy causing pain and loss of confidence. They like to twist a knife in the wound of vulnerability all writers have. It makes them feel more powerful, I suspect – and that is deeply sad.
BTW, I am thinking of going back to Blogger: I find WordPress more and more time-consuming, oppressive – and, at times, a hotbed of spite, emotional blackmail and so forth!
xxx