There are moments in which I truly despair. Those painful times when my self-confidence seems to disintegrate and I find myself questioning everything. Suddenly, I feel valueless and deeply alone. For all the effort and all the ups and downs of life, what have I really achieved? When I die will anyone really give a damn? How do you measure your worth, your impact on life? It isn’t job titles, or money, houses or cars. Is it a legacy of writings? Probably it is the impact that you made on people and I fear I have had little impact outside of a very small group of people. There is a fear, no a deep seated insecurity at work that says it was a life wasted and time squandered.
And yet, even in those moments I know that having lived a rich and varied life. Having rubbed shoulders with countless thousands of people, Having traveled and drank in what I found there. Having seen new life and also the pain of death. I am. I have achieved things that could never have been expected of me. I have had an impact and continue to have an impact whether seen or unseen, conscious or unconscious. This rich tapestry that I have created. The reality that I call my own. It has an impact all around of me even if it be the tiniest of ripples there are concentric circles of me all around me spreading slowly and unendingly all through the Universe. Who knows what impact these ripples have? Who knows what colorful and creative/destructive interference patterns are being created even as I write this.
I am. I am the only thing I can actually have some degree of surety about. Without me none of you would exist – at least to me…
I am a thought in the mind of God. A ripple of consciousness in time and space. I am making it up as I go along gaining in wisdom, experience and versatility as I go. My value is that I am.
This is the meaning of life isn’t it? My life and yours too……
